GiantEffingRobots.com

I hate to even mention this site — I’ll just call it CRUD.  I think you know who I’m talking about.

They’ve posted all these “sightings” from around the globe.  Did they run these videos through any kind of super-computer-alien-robot-analyzation application that no one outside the government even has access to?  What do you think?

Now, I’m not saying the aliens aren’t here and aren’t hiding among us.  I just don’t think CRUD has a line on the truth here.  If I ever run into these jackholes, I’m SO gonna kick their dumb asses.  Commenters are proposing that we “work” together.  HAH!  Are you effing kidding me?  I can’t think of ANY situation in which I’d agree to do anything with these schlubs — I wouldn’t even share my roast beef on rye with them.  It’d probably get infected with cooties.

Just FYI, I’ve got a busy work week ahead.  Our stock kid just quit — loser.  Massaging my feet is just part of the job — everyone knows that!  So good luck out there in the NO economy!!  Anywho, this means I gotta pick up the slack — otherwise my boss (well, she thinks she’s the boss of me) will go apecrap if the meat doesn’t get presliced just right.  I’ll post from my bunker when I can.

Oh, and that “S7″ post.  BOGUS.  Enough said.  I won’t waste my time even refuting the misinformation from this “X” character.  Never happened.  I don’t think she even exists.  It’s all a ruse.  Just forget all of that.

So, faithful readers, keep your eyes out for the REAL NBEs, which you’ll only find here on GER!

P.S. Leo, you might want to learn to spell “desist.”  Or at least use a spell-checker.  Dufus.

Well well well, look who’s the king of information today! Jasper the Box Man sent me this EXCLUSIVE link to a video on YourTube showing an actual giant effing alien robot NOT hiding in plain sight. Well, it was trying to, but…DENIED! And you’re one real effing genius for NOT sending this sitrep to The Ridiculous Elfish Dingdongs – they need to realize who the real professionals are.

Unfortunately, that ditzy woman (but hot — can’t ignore that, I mean, we’re all HUMAN, right? RIGHT??) is in no way prepared for the full-scale alien INVASION we’re all about to endure (she’s READING???) — unless that prissy pink bag contains a howitzer and flame thrower (obviously, I mean the miniature versions the government may or may not have in its secret advanced weapons and technology lab about which I have no comment.)

So let this be a warning to all you wannabe Robo-Warriors out there. We’re the only line of defense against the invaders, so let’s get this alien dance party started. CAN. YOU. DIG IT?!

Props to the Box! I don’t what the eff your name means, but your sleuthing is top notch. I could use someone like you in my organization…if and when I have one. Any of you other amateur detectives out there with hot intel need to send it to me ASAP!

Some of you have been asking, “What can we do to help, Mr. Robo- Warrior?”  Excellent question.

I thought about it and came up with a list while I was at work today:

1. Check this site at least once a day for the latest on the hunt of NBEs.

2. Tell your friends to check this site once a day.  Tell your classmates.  Tell your co-workers.  Even tell your strange uncles.

3. Let the people on other sites know where they can find the truth.

4. Dingo the back log.  Hmm…can’t read this one — sausage stain.
Sure it was important.  If I remember what it says, I’ll let you know

5. Keep an eye out for signs of alien robots — from little tiny ones to great big giant ones — and LET ME KNOW ABOUT IT!

6. If the government puts out any more propaganda on the small or big screen, check it out.  Study it.  See if there are any hidden messages.  Any clues to where they’re REALLY hiding.

7. Tell everyone you know that TRED blows.

8. Fear the robot menace!

I just noticed that people can “comment” on my posts.  Okay, I get it, it’s a two-way street.  So here are my comments on your comments.  (They should really come up with a better way to do this — like if I could comment RIGHT after your comments.  Idiot blog program.)

Okay, Argent Zephyr, who said, “I want a cute little robot to hug and nuture.”  Um, if that’s how you REALLY feel (and I’m assuming you meant “nurture”), you will be in effing huge trouble when you run into a giant alien bot.  They are NOT cute.  They are NOT cuddly.  They will eviscerate you before you can say the word “nurture.”  It’ll be like “nur–” SPLAT!

Methusalen: “I am curoius to know what Robo-Warrior means by “anymore” as well. What kind of proof does he have to support his claims? Do they tie into the NBE’s or the Mission City cover-up?”  Oh no no no.  I’m not gonna fall for that old trick (I’ve used reverse psychology on many, many people I’ve…chatted with).  Nothing happened at Mission City, as far as you know.  Just because they aren’t in Egypt anymore doesn’t mean that they were there before.  On top of that, I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I have never divulged top-secret information that hadn’t already been exposed by someone else.

zenbird: “I thought enough ass was kicked.”  I never want to hear you say that again.  There’s NEVER enough ass kicked.

Franzy: “That site is totally blowing stuff out of proportion, like seriously, how can an EMP fry a car?”  Word to my mother.

Be Be Umbel: “Also, if, as the previous comment suggests, there are in fact TWO factions of alien robot, one of which is our ally and sharing advanced alien technology with the US government to fight the other alien “side”, how does this affect the balance of power vis a vis our relationships with other nations? Could we conceivably use this technology to establish a permanent advantage over our terrestrial enemies?”  Allies can become traitors in two seconds.  You can’t trust ANY of them.  THAT’S the problem with this whole enchilada.

Argent Zephyr: “You know, I honestly think if TRED and GER were to set aside their differences and work together, we’d be a lot better off. If the two were to come together, just think of what could be accomplished.”  NOT.  GONNA.  HAPPEN.  You can quote me on that. NEVER.

SpartanHead: “What the heck are all of these giant “alien” robots (or NBEs) doing all around the world ?! What are they up to? World Tour ??! They have been showing up like every time and every where, man..”  There’s never been this number of NBEs on the planet…that’s what my sources tell me.  And there’s no telling how long they’ve been here or how many there are.  How in the heck did they land UNDETECTED?  That’s just sloppy intel work.  THIS IS BAD, PEOPLE.

So I’ve been spending all my time searching through the WWW.  Today I personally, completely on my own, located this particular gem.  I’m happy to report that I am officially the first site dedicated to giant effing robots to post a link to what will I’m sure soon become an infamous video.

Okay, about the video itself.  My Japanese is kinda rusty, but looks like that reporter is shooting some kind of story about something that has nothing to do with giant effing robots and then — BAM! — a giant effing robot shows up right behind her.  And then it hides.  Typical NBE.

So what does this mean?  It means someone needs to get themselves over to Japan to investigate this sighting pronto.  (I already blew my savings on that WI trip, so you can count me out — unless someone wants to sponsor me…although you’ll also have to fill in for me at work as I’m out of personal days).

A lone robot sneaking through the streets of Tokyo at night…I don’t like it.  Not one bit.  Either one of them has gotten loose from its captors or new ones have arrived.  The government needs to do something about this and FAST, which as we all know isn’t a strong point for any bureaucracy.  If they just had one man responsible for alien incursions, this would probably all be over by now….

You nimrods just wasted my week off! After I read your little “report” on supposed UFO sightings in the cheesey state, I decided to take a little look-see for myself.

And what did I find, pray tell?  Not a thing.  Nothing.  NOTHING!  No signs of atmospheric re-entry, no debris from aerodynamic heat shielding, no landing depressions, no footprints — just a bunch of cheeseheads who saw some lights in the sky.  What a mystery.  I mean,  lights in the sky?  What could that possibly BE??  Maybe we’ll never know.  Morons.

I was willing to let it slide as amateur hour until i saw your “exclusive” - meh, more fiction!

So forget all this “secret code” hoopla.  There’s no AI calling.  And if it ever does, it’s not for you.  Let me answer it.

I only get one week off, you know!

(P.S. They do make some good gouda up there.  If you ever get a chance to visit, I highly recommend it.)

Some web sites that will remain nameless are spreading the propaganda that there are aliens out there that are “good.”  Let me tell you something, and get real close to the screen so you can make sure you get this:

THE ONLY “GOOD” ALIEN IS A DEAD ALIEN.

Burn that into your brains, people.  We are the flies, they are the giant effing fly swatters.  Don’t listen to those mamby pamby, hippie sites that think the world’s full of rainbows and ponies.  The aliens  aren’t here for a beach party — they want our planet and they’ll do whatever it takes to get it.

We’re in the eye of the hurricane, the calm before the storm, the silence between the opening of a soda can and the fizz of the escaping carbon dioxide.  WE ARE AT WAR!  And we don’t have much time left before the fit hits the shan.  You see something, you SAY something — to me, not to those tie-dye, flip-flop wearing hooligans who aren’t even old enough to remember that the Dodgers are from Brooklyn!  Jeez effing Louise!

I have a lot more to say, but my break’s over.

So, on my “day off” I had to go upstate to help my cousin fix up his barn. Disgusting. My superior intellect and skills were not meant for mucking around in manure, despite what my cousin says. (And by the way, Harold, it’s called “supervising,” which is NOT the same as “standing around shouting at people while doing nothing.” Yeah, I heard you, dumbass.)

Anywhat, now I’m back in town and first thing I see this morning is this post by TheREalWhoCaresDeal.com. First of all, they’re not E.T.s (what are you, from like the 1980s?); they’re called N.B.E.s — get your acronyms right. Second of all, the Scranton-Pittsburgh UFO Highway, aka corridor, is not news. Where’ve you been, living under a rock? Hmmm…that would explain A LOT.

Moving on. So maybe they ARE here. Maybe more of them are showing up EVERY SINGLE DAY. You want to do something about it, tell your peeps to write to their Congressmen to tell the White House to reinstate any kind of secret anti-alien agency it might’ve once had and shut down, if there ever was something of that nature, of which I have no idea. But if they DID, then they should hire back whoever was in charge and put them on the case with the full backing of the U.S. of A., especially the Treasury department, which controls the flow of cashola. (And a raise would be nice — maybe an extra week of vacation — but I’m sure whoever we’re talking about ain’t picky…although, a raise would definitely help with morale. Capish?) THEN you’d see some real fireworks, baby. I’m talking weird-ass technology light-years ahead of what you can even imagine. Area 51, that’s all I’m saying (which clearly doesn’t violate any kind of government oath). Point is, we gotta get the right people on the job, right now. I’m only saying this for the good of the country, the world, even the whole planet!

P.S. Oh and by the way Leo, some people didn’t get to eat hot dogs and drink adult beverages. Some people had to do actual work on their day off. In manure. And what about the veterans of this great country? All of us owe them our freedom, even our very lives, so people like you can “chill” on THEIR holiday. You know what kind of hell they had to go through just to do their jobs and save all our butts? So just you wait — when you move out of your parents’ bathroom, the world is gonna eat you alive, junior!

Even my own mother wouldn’t fall for this b.s.

So one of the most intriguing events in recent memory happens and all the TRED-duds can come up with is “electro-magnetic pulse?” Hello? That’s what every government organization says any time they need to hide the truth. Apparently they don’t realize that a true EMP event actually FRIES electronic circuits!!! It doesn’t “interfere with wireless signals.” Could you just go to the wikipedia for two seconds to do some research (although, half of the posts on official government ops on that thing are written by conspiracy theory wackos like Leo and his dorky pals, so you can’t trust everything you read there either).

What was my point? Oh, yeah. Try digging a little deeper, people. Amateur hour is over. Did anybody even consider that maybe these vehicles were switched with some other kind of electro-mechanical devices and then switched back again before anyone realized what was happening? Perhaps something of the ALIEN variety? I mean, come on, nothing works fine then suddenly doesn’t work then works completely fine again. Especially not computers.

So, let’s put some more effort into coming up with REASONABLE explanations for these occurrences, okay? All you need’s a little brain power, a little elbow grease, and little not-being-a-complete-idiot.